There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
