At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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