It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
