you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
