imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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