Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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