I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
