Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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