She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
