I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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