dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
