Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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