so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
