If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
