I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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