i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
