Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
