So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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