we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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