i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
