Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
