I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
