If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
