Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry about my life...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
