It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
