i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
