You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
