So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
