hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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