Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
