So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
