I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
