If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
