you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
