I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
