sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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