Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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