Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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