Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
