Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
