If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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