So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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