This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
