my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
