I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
