btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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