Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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