Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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