I want to walk on stilts...naked
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
two words...techno handjob
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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