Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
