Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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