Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
