sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
